Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous--everyone hasn't met me yet.
- When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
- I'm so ugly. My proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth.
- When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
- During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
- In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
- I was so poor growing up. If I wasn't a boy, I'd have nothing to play with.
- When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
- I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
- My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.