Jack Handy Quotes & Quotations

Jack Handy Quotes

» Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.

» Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

» If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

» Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

» One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden stakes.

» I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

» As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Who Said It?

Who Said: "No doubt I shall go on writing, stumbling across tundras of unmeaning,..." Click To See

Daily Famous Quote

Who Said: "If skill could be gained by watching, every dog would become a butcher." Subscribe

Noyemi Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes & Quotations by Famous and Not-So-Famous People