Jack Handy Quotes & Quotations

Jack Handy Quotes

» The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

» I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

» To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

» If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

» If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

» Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

» Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

» If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

» It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. - Deep Thoughts ( Saturday Night Live)

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