» I only drink to make other people seem more interesting.
» A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.
» The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
» To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.
» Patriotism is a arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
» Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
» Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
» An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
» Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.
» The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.